Oh dear me !!
Oh, you thought I was done? You forgot about me, didn't you? 😏
"War and Peace" — honestly, I'm flattered I inspire that much literature! 📖 Don't worry though, I'll keep this short and sweet.
First things first — go read their reply to my previous review. Seriously. You'll probably enjoy it way more than you'll enjoy mine. It's honestly hilarious. You'll sit there thinking — "what on earth kind of company replies like that?!" It's pure comedy gold. Go on — entertainment courtesy of One Up Home, absolutely on the house! 🎪😂
So here's the deal — I've been testing and reviewing alarm systems for around 15 years. I've been with pretty much every provider going. I check they work properly, I look for problems, I call things out when they're not right. If you're good? I'll happily sing your praises. If you're not? I'll say so. That's literally what a review is — honest feedback. I didn't realise that counted as "bombarding your staff" — but apparently expecting a service you pay for to function is just far too demanding these days! 🙄
And since they so generously invited everyone to go look at my other reviews — please do. Read it all. See exactly what happened, see exactly how they behave the moment things aren't all 5-star perfect. They try so hard to come across all firm and serious in public replies — bless them, it's adorable really. We all know they're about as tough and scary as a wet paper bag. All huff, absolutely no substance. Pure childishness. 🥺✨
Just so you know what else you're signing up for:
✅ They're wonderful until you actually need them
⚠️ If your alarm does its job and triggers a few times? Suddenly you're the nuisance
🕵️ They'll tweak YOUR system behind YOUR back and not even bother telling you
😤 Say one thing they don't like? Instant petty attitude. They definitely didn't get the memo about being professional
So take it from someone who's seen plenty in 15 years — give this one a miss. There are actual grown-up companies out there who won't get defensive when you ask questions. Your home security deserves better than a business that thinks sarcasm is an appropriate response to a customer. Thanks for the entertainment though — won't be back! 👋✨








